Opening Twitter 168 times a day? Time for a week off.

I saw David Baddiel on the telly talking about a social media cleanse and how difficult he found it, so thought maybe I should give it a go. How hard could it be? I checked the stats in the phone’s wellbeing menu for my Twitter usage for that day. 2 hours 47 minutes and I’d opened the app 168 times. That is horrendous. It was basically a part time job. UNPAID. I realised I‘d open the app to check when walking between rooms, going for a wee, between thoughts, putting the kettle on, waiting for a spreadsheet to open, walking up the stairs. Twitter filled the gaps between thoughts and actions, leaving nothing for anything else. No wonder my ability to hold a thought in my head for longer than two minutes was being destroyed.

So, a plan. That night I moved the app to a separate folder on page four of the phone, well away from the home screen and it’s usual thumb tap away. I turned off all notifications and I put Duolingo in its place, as I am forever trying to learn French, and I went to bed. The following morning and, as usual, I woke with a fresh brain, as if sleep had pushed the reset button and I’d forgotten everything from the previous day. I turned off the alarm and my muscle memory opened Duolingo instead of the usual Twitter. Then I remembered the ridiculous challenge I’d set for myself. I did my French lesson, (Alice est une étudiante mexicaine) and then scrambled around on my phone like I didn’t know what to do next. Throughout that first day I automatically opened Duolingo about twenty times before I remembered.

The first two days were the worst. I felt kind of lost. I’ve always fidgeted but it got worse, my toes kept contact with the floor and my knees jumped up and down at speed, like I’m riding a stationary bike, full of nervous energy. The switch between tasks, or rooms, or thoughts is usually filled with Twitter scrolling so without it, I felt uncontained, like I was coming off some medication and my perception had altered. Time stretched, things moved more slowly. I felt a bit lost.

For decades I’ve had to listen to something to go to sleep. It started with a thunderstorm CD, then I had the entire Sex and the City series on my iPod so I listened to that on repeat for years. I’m currently using Schitts Creek as a sleeping aid. I need to listen to something to shut my mind off, interrupt my thoughts so I can fall asleep. I think I’ve been using Twitter as a waking version of that. Scrolling as anaesthetic, It fills the gaps and stops my mind from engaging and spiralling in all sorts of potentially unwanted directions. Any pause in activity and my brain seems to panic and try to fill the gap. At one point I even started playing Wordscapes on my phone while watching TV because whatever I was watching wasn’t engaging enough.

The week without it has allowed my mind to breathe a little. I’ve even tried some meditation to calm the mind. I read somewhere that the secret to inspiration and imagination is boredom. If you don’t give your mind time to relax and wander, you restrict your creativity. This feels true to me already. Allow the mind to wander, what am I afraid of?

When it comes to those random thoughts, Twitter allows me to grab them and vomit them into the world, like a release of some kind.

Here is some shit I would have Tweeted.

Pop specs.

“kind to trees sweetie”

“How are they kind to trees?”

“WELL THEY AIN’T MADE OF WOOD HOW KIND DO YOU WANT?” I love this line.

Roast pork, cheese, and apple sauce toasted sandwiches are amazing.

There’s a squirrel avoiding the ripe crab apples and eating the most rotten, fermented ones on the tree. I’m expecting it to fall out of the tree, pissed, any minute now. [gif of pissed squirrel]

Sharing these colour photos of London in the blitz

A potato with a sexy ass.

See, absolutely groundbreaking tweets the world missed out on.

The downtime has prompted other things to fill the gap, french on Duolingo, drawing, freediving breath training, tarot cards, reading actual books, cleaning out the entire bathroom cabinet on a whim. Running further as a way to stop thinking. Writing long journal entries in the morning as a way to try and focus. It has also made me realise how easy it is to get addicted without even realising, and if it is an addiction, what then? Alcoholics don’t just cut down, they can’t drink again. Should I stop using Twitter? That seems a bit excessive, but then an addict would say that.

I’ve put a harm reduction plan in place.

• Move the app to a different folder, on a different screen to stop the muscle memory from opening it automatically.
• Turn off notifications.
• Use the Wellbeing options in the phone settings to restrict the app to an hour a day.
• Use the Buffer app to tweet, this way I can offload my mind dribble without getting distracted and scrolling.

None of these is foolproof as I obviously have access to change any of these settings, but it’s a way of being more mindful of my usage.

We shall see how it goes. although the downtime over christmas will be a challenge, I’m going to have to try to occupy my monkey mind with other things.

Unfortunately, after the week ended, my first thought was

“That was terrible. I know, I’ll write about it and put it on twitter.”